Men, would you ever distance yourself from a woman who intimidated you intellectually or education/career wise?

  1. No, I've dated buisness analysts, SEN teachers, women in management roles and who run small businesses, personal trainers and other forms of consultancy and pharmaceutical roles.

  2. Yep I think that last sentence is totally right. I can see how certain people would feel insecure in what they can offer and therefore back off, even if that insecurity is irrational and not necessarily a problem at all in reality.

  3. Just jumping in to say I think "inadequate" is a better term rather than intimidated. I've attempted to date men with relatively "less" than me. It's all good but as soon as i tell them what I do or ballpark what i make I can see a flicker of defeat in their eyes as if they believe they could never be able to measure up and things start to fizzle from there. I try my best to let them know that it doesn't bother me if they work in a warehouse or mentor kids for a living and that I like them for other reasons but they kind of fade themselves out.

  4. In the long term, would you actually be interested in a man that you had to essentially pay for to keep up with you? Like, would you be interested in paying for the sort of dates you like as often as you're used to affording? Or would you be willing to pay for his travel and lodging when you guys vacation since he can maybe barely afford to buy food where you're going?

  5. That’s a shame that they don’t think they can measure up. It seems a lot of relationships fail or don’t even get off the ground because of personal insecurities.

  6. I've dated many different women in practically every income and education level. It's not that I'm intimidated as much as it is about having little in common. There's also been the whole ego thing I've seen at times which is a big turnoff as well as women who have tried to change me to fit in with her boujee circle.

  7. Agreed, it can definitely be the thing that attracts you to someone. I remember someone telling me that they got turned on when I mentioned in a previous conversation that I did advanced classes back in school. My mind was blown by that lol.

  8. intimidation is not a genuine reason that being said that would not stop somebody from feeling that way. It would just be irrational

  9. As others have said its not the fact they make more then others or are smarter, its the fact that some women use that as a way to essentially say they are better then you. Like I generally would be open to dating a lawyer but every time I go out with law women I have to contend with a lot of egoistic traits that are just not what I am looking for. Is this because I hate the fact she is successful, driven, smart women? NO. If anything it makes me more attractive to her. Its the fact that I do not like those traits and do not want to deal with those other traits in my life. It becomes exhausting.

  10. Most women who whine that they "intimidate" men cuz of their high powered careers actually have the issue that they make social status and money their entire personality and its super unattractive.

  11. I’ve known men who do the same with career/money and I have to agree, it’s very very unattractive. Natural intelligence on the other hand is hot.

  12. Men are not intimidated, they just know that women expectation are "at least what I bring or more", so why waste time and money of first dates when those are not on her lifestyle level?

  13. Secure men aren’t intimidated by successful and driven women. It’s an excuse used by successful, driven, but unlikable or undesirable women to avoid introspection and acknowledge their own shortcomings.

  14. Only if she acted like she was holier than thou, tried to pretend she's more intelligent than me or something. Some people get doctorates at 13 so I don't need to here how she's a genius for getting her doctorate in yoga at 30.

  15. She's pretending she's more intelligent, so you're sure she's not. Followed by shitting on her doctorate because ofc girl = yoga. Bruh this is so much cope on your part.

  16. Only if I felt like she is full of herself, or the kind of person who would judge me for being not as good at something as she is - been there, fuck that.

  17. Intelligent women are a big turn on for me, but not the ones that give me the vibe that they need to prove something to somebody to feel better about themselves. In either case i don't feel intimidated.

  18. Nah. The one exception is if they walked around with this sense of moral superiority or constantly throwing it in my face that they are doing better off in certain aspects of their life. That would be a no go.

  19. If a successful intelligent woman is getting rejected and or ghosted it's probably because she is rude, disrespectful, and argumentative. It has nothing to do with her intelligence and success. Most men love women who are intelligent and successful - along with being kind, friendly, easygoing and feminine.

  20. Some men find it intimidating, some don’t. Some like their gf/spouse to be less intelligent , so easy to control or manipulate. Its more difficult with intelligent women.

  21. Yes, but i dont think id get involved with a woman who made me feel that way to begin with. I am not the brightest crayon in the box, but im not completely stupid either, and i dont like feeling stupid. In a room full of doctors or scientists, i would definitely feel stupid (except for maybe in a room of animal biologists, paleontologists, or geologists, ive got a lot of that stuff pretty well down). So if i didnt think i had the capacity to stretch my brain and figure out at least the basics of a conversation id want to get out of there. I dont hang out with women who i think are intellectually miles above me. I would bore them, and they woukd embarass me. Im also not going to be anyones charity case, so if they make a ton more money than i do, im going to feel like i dont have enough to contribute and im going to feel uncomfortable.

  22. Thank you for being honest, you have great introspection skills and express yourself in writing very well.

  23. The idea that men are intimidated by womens careers is a myth perpetuated solely by women. I’ve dated doctors and lawyers who are absolutely no different than any other woman. I’ve also ran across a few controlling, tyrannical, masculine women and who are just impossible to deal with and these are the ones who parrot “men can’t handle a successful woman and are intimidated ct my success”. Nah. I just don’t want to date a complete bitch.

  24. Just because YOU are not a piece of trash doesn’t mean there’s no men who think like this out there. My mom has two degrees, and when she tried dating after divorcing my dad at least half the men would tell her not to mention to their friend that she had two degrees, or stuff like that. My cousin is also experiencing the same thing. Men don’t reject her at first; they try to change her or discourage her education (She’s about to start her PhD) Both men and women can have this attitude. Weird that you decided something widely documented is a “myth” just because it’s not something you would do

  25. Do you think the man’s position in life and their career makes any difference to this or not really? If they’re not satisfied with where they are and the gap between them and the woman is really big?

  26. First, I would not be intimidated in the first place. Second, if someone is intimidated, that is entirely their problem. Don't make it your problem.

  27. I feel like this is somewhat downstream of personality? e.g. I'm used to being the "smart kid", yet at almost 30 am in a bit of a directionless phase and not feeling the best about myself. Recently went out with someone much more accomplished (and who also felt noticeably smarter than me). Afterwards I felt really insecure for a bit, but then I realized I also just didn't feel comfortable around her and her ambition felt a bit shallow and was always front and center, and we viewed the world very differently. It's hard to say but I felt like the intimidation was really exacerbated by us not matching personally/not feeling any warmth/comfort, so I wouldn't blame intimidation per se as the root cause.

  28. I see what you mean. I guess there can be situations where someone is doing considerably better than you career-wise and seems very intelligent but doesn’t flaunt it or use it to make others feel inferior. Personality is definitely a huge huge factor.

  29. But that implies that success or intelligence in itself can be a turn off, which I don’t think makes much sense. If they use it to act like a dick or be patronising then that can definitely turn someone off. But if they’re a nice person and are compatible with you in all other ways, is it not intimidation at that point if a guy backs off? I think there’s a clear difference in those scenarios and I’m talking more about the latter than the former.

  30. The opposite, actually. My lady graduated magna cum laude (vs my cum laude) and makes 3x what I do. It motivates me to do better in my career while still supporting her with her goals. We are a team, after all...

  31. Not at all. The issue is when they use the status of those things to prop up/pad out their sense of self. That shows itself in their behaviour, both in terms of how they carry themselves and how they treat you.

  32. I’ve never felt that way. I guess I don’t perceive certain intellectual propensities as “superior” as everyone has their interests. If someone is super judgmental about types of interests that’s a different thing and I feel free to judge them about their bias.

  33. Not at all. Intelligent women are very sexy. If they make more money than you, that just means more trips for pizza. Since she’s smart, she’ll always order the pizza I like. Win.

  34. I like women who are smarter than me, and I like ambitious women - but I DON'T like dating women who make more significantly more money than me, and that can go hand in hand with an impressive career. I am not intimidated by women with impressive careers, but I have learned that women with impressive careers tend to expect the guys they date to also be wealthy and similarly impressive.

  35. To a point, lifestyle compatibilities matter. When men partner with women who don't match their lifestyles, it's culturally accepted for them to essentially pay for the woman to "keep up" and adapt into the higher earner's lifestyle, adapting and rooting up their own life as consequence. In the inverse, I don't generally find many women interested in that prospect and, in fact, they often seem insulted or amused by the idea.

  36. Your education or career isn't going to intimidate me. Not because I'm guaranteed to have a better career or education. I have a bachelor's and work as a standard web dev, there are plenty of people more educated and successful than me.

  37. Me personally? No. Because I don't feel insecure about those things. In fact I'm attracted to women who have their shit together and are ambitious as long as they dont have an inflated ego.

  38. Men and women are obviously different, a women’s education level or finance isn’t as important to most men. So if you lead with those things when getting to know a guy, he just might not want to deal with the kind of girl that sees those as the most important goals in her life. If it comes up naturally in a conversation sometime down the line then he’ll be impressed by those things. If a guy wants kids, how you treat kids you randomly come across might be a turn on for him. If you’re close with your parents that may be attractive to him. It’s not usually the accolades that men care for when seeking women.

  39. From my understanding the main fear of this usually comes from the thought of your partner not respecting you/ respecting the relationship due to the dynamic

  40. If a guy distances himself from you because you're intelligent or successful, he isn't rejecting you, he's rejecting himself. Not all relationship failures are your fault, and taking the blame on yourself doesn't help you find the right person.

  41. I wouldnt. My only fear would be failling in my career or job, but thats on my not on her. I wouldnt feel intimidated unless she is trying to use her succes as a weapon, then the thing changes.

  42. I find ambition attractive in a woman. I would actually be very impressed if my partner makes more money than I do. I don't think I would be intimidated.

  43. I wouldn't say intimidated, more like realistic. Today's men are realizing that women and men feel love differently. Women, children and puppies receive unconditional love. Men get love based on what they can do and/or provide. No it's not always like this, but with today's hook up culture and the empowerment movement men are realizing that more and more their time with their female SO is transitory. At some point she will cheat or leave for "greener" pastures, regardless of how good of a partner he's been. Maybe not if she just has too much to lose, but sometimes even then. That being said, a highly intelligent woman with a good personality, that is reasonably attractive is highly desirable. The problem with that is everyone knows this, her included. Therefore, unless the guy is in the top 1% he has little chance to stay with her long term and even then she'll most likely trade to a younger model in ten years when she no longer gets the tingles. Why get involved in a LTR knowing it's just a matter of time for her to leave and break his heart. If a this woman also has a high powered career then she is around the 1% in business on a daily basis. She will be covenanted by the men in that environment. Regular guys just can't compete and know it. This is just self preservation. Just to clarify, although I sound jaded, I have been with my wife for 37+ years. This is just what I see happening in the generations after mine.

  44. Women can get into college easier. That aside I don't think men ever feel intimidated by that stuff, I think they would more be jealous than intimidated

  45. It’s a lie women tell themselves, if I didn’t have my self together I would only go after to successful women so I could live off of them.

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