Near critical incident bringing up bad feelings for me, as the spouse…

  1. I am so sorry you and your spouse had to go through this. It’s hard, and having a community who ‘gets’ it is important.

  2. Thank you! I certainly doesn’t help that her “new” department (she’s been here for a few years because we moved for my work) is not great. Upper admin is toxic and out of touch with modern policing and they don’t understand what their officers actually need. So almost 0 support there expect from lower admin like some good sergeants. It also doesn’t help that she had to “debrief” in front of her whole shift as well as evening shift people still in the building writing reports because her Lt. asked her to without knowing all the facts. Now she’s the subject of discussion among her peers who are “Monday morning quarterbacking” and saying she should have shot the guy. When most of these officers are very young and inexperienced. There is a LOT of turn over at the department. She’s just concerned about her reputation as someone who can be relied upon to engage and idk how to make her feel better about that. I’m confident she made the right choice and so is she. But others around her believe she should have shot the man.

  3. I’ve been there, girl! My boyfriend keeps in contact with me throughout his shift and that eases a lot of my anxiety. He’s had a couple of really rough calls and I really encourage him to go seek therapy, and that’s what I’m going to suggest for both of you. Maybe a combination of individual and couples just to ensure your lives stay healthy. Outside perspective, especially when your job is to focus on the mind, can see things differently and present useful solutions for you guys. My boyfriend has bad nightmares sometimes and I honestly just support him by making sure he knows I’m there to wake him up and rub his back to help calm him down in his sleep. Otherwise, finding good ways to decompress for both of you! If you guys have combined hobbies, engaging in those. I also give him lots of space and alone time to play video games with his friends to relax after a long week.

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