Gentle Reminder: “Over-explaining” yourself all the time is the result of being invalidated by your Nparents all the time

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  2. ironically it seems normal people take over-explaining to be because you're not being 'on the level' with them.

  3. Practice. It is just a muscle you need to work. Start with finding some people you trust and asking them to (politely) call you on it. My husband and I have a code word for social situations when he wants to tell me to stop talking and it is a HUGE help! Sometimes even if he is not there, if I hear myself starting to ramble, I can hear him in my head saying the code word and it helps me to stop.

  4. I came to a sad realization that I over explain. We were at my husband's grandparents house for Mother's Day with several other extended family. It made me feel weird on the way home when I realized how many times my husband's cousin had to tell me he was just kidding about something...he would say something as a joke that contradicted me or something that would "throw me for a loop", and I'd start going on about why that isn't the best thing to do, etc. I realized it's because I always have to explain myself and defend my knowledge because my parents never believe me about anything.

  5. I always say to these ppl, “are you really kidding tho or are you trying to cover your insecurity up by picking on me?”

  6. Yes, this is so true! I remember once being an hour late to a dinner at one of my husband's relative's homes because my husband misunderstood that dinner at 5 doesn't mean ''Anytime after 5''. I immediately went into full over-explaining mode, apologizing profusely, you know the drill. The thing is, nobody really cared. The hostess thought we were probably stuck in traffic or something, so she just turned down the oven, and everyone else was still mingling and socializing.

  7. I think trying to explain yourself when you're late makes it look like you're making up excuses and it's perceived as being weak.

  8. It's why I don't talk to people. Either I can tell everything like machine or I don't think my opinion needs to be heard because its just opinion. Talking or asking about stuff I don't care is like I'm insulting people in conversations, so I just don't. You could say worse is that I know I'm like this but to change feels like I would be lying to others and myself and you know others who havent been throught this don't have to make any extra thought or put energy into such ordinary task. I'm ok, it's just one of those days..

  9. I dealt with this a lot also!!! There are still so many times when I would be trying to tell them about my day, thoughts/opinions, or even have a heart-to-heart with them and I would just get shut down or ignored completely. Now I've been able to do better with friends and family, but I'm still struggling to voice certain feelings to my boyfriend since I was never allowed to speak of anything sad/negative without punishment or anger growing up... Something I'm still working on hardcore... Sorry for your experiences as well and I hope things are much better now! 🤗

  10. Same! It's so difficult to talk about my interests nowdays. I remember once I got a bit excited about a topic w my friend and did the usual "Sorry" but she started going all like "Noo I want to hear more! Don't apologize" there are kind people in this world..

  11. THIS. I remember when I was talking about work once and my nmom completely tuned me out. Then started talking about herself.

  12. For me the worst is when I want to decline some meeting. One day a friend just told me : you can just say "oh thank, but I can't" and I realise I felt like I always was worried about giving a reason good enough (sometimes lying) and.. Guy.. It's true! Nobody cares!!

  13. How does one stop it? I find it annoying. But I do it anyway, and know I’m doing it but just don’t seem to be able to stop

  14. I think part of it is becoming aware of when I do it maybe in a gentle, mindful kind of way (“Oh! I’m over explaining.” Or even, “Oh! I’m feeling the urge to overexplain.”), not judging myself for it (because I’m not responsible for invalidating parents who conditioned me to overexplain) and maybe even being self-compassionate about it. I guess I’m looking at it as a, “Hey, it’s hard to change a behavior without accepting that I do it in the first place and without doing some compassionate ‘micro-tending’ in the moment to the grief of my childhood emotional abuse,” kind of thing. And that’s about as far as I get I guess!

  15. This this this. I always write out a stupid long message to anyone explaining why I'm late, or can't make it, or whatever. I end up deleting it because why am I oversharing??? I am working on detaching myself from it and so far it is working. But even writing it out in a text and deleting it is fine for me to recognize the toxicity I have had to live with. In front of people I tend to stay quiet, so I don't have to worry too terribly much about oversharing there. But if I do they don't generally stop me...

  16. This is me. I must give 100 reasons because they called it an excuse. For anything. It's exhausting and I've gotten better at recognizing it, so there's that....

  17. I think the opposite reaction can also be the case, as I never bother to explain myself to others because it’s so draining and feels futile. I always take the loss and keep silent.

  18. It’s both for me. Sometimes I JADE, but most of the time I just never say anything. Even if people have a very wrong negative assumption of me, I just let it go. Or if I have a problem with someone else it’s the same way. I either over confront them in a toxic way, because that’s the only thing Nparents respect, or I just never bring it up at all because it’s pointless bringing up a personal problem with Nparents anyway.

  19. thank you for this, i have such a hard time with things like this. i like to think i’m independent and unaffected by them, but it’s just not the case. being raised like that will always have some sort of impact of course, i just hate to acknowledge it. it makes me feel weak.

  20. Ever have that moment where you tell your dad about the nixtamalization process to make corn healthy for humans bc you're excited to learn about it, but he says that's not real, so you spend 5 hours researching academic papers, come back and show the papers and say "Isn't that cool?" And get a "huh" as he heads up to the home office to come back down whenever he pleases for something he wants done immediately, and it's midnight?

  21. Omg! Absolutely. I had the exact same thing done to me. Also, a similar abuse tactic where my dad would promise to buy me stuff that I never asked for 'cause, well, I never asked for things. Then he would make me research the logistics, specs, factoids about it and quiz me on it, usually when I'm trapped with him, like in a car. If I didn't know something he would humiliate and berate me. He would keep asking until he hit upon something I didn't know. I was forced to justify why I deserve this thing I didn't want and then he'd prove why he's doing me a big favor by giving this thing to me. Out of all the times he promised me stuff he delivered once and that's because someone else had told him they were gifting it to me and he made it seem like he had requested them to give it to me. He quizzed me so much and made the experience so unpleasant that I hated the kobo. I began to hate reading as well, which was the one passion other than movies that my dad hadn't murdered yet. He managed to kill my love for reading with the kobo. I hated it so much that I manhandled it and it broke within a few months.

  22. Oh my lord, this is something I still struggle with. I don't have to justify every micro and macro decision I make to everyone I know. I can wear, eat, go, do, feel, and act any way I want so long as it is safe and responsible for me and the people around me. I don't have to explain why I am ordering this and not that or why I am taking this route to get where I am going. I can just be.

  23. Yeeeaah... crazy stuff. Probably explains why I tend to preemptively clarify what I didn't say and empathize with the opposing side. Guess I've been too used to being deliberately misinterpreted and getting angry looks for not agreeing.

  24. when i started dating my current bf I would try to explain every action and apologise for everything till he told me there is no need to explain everything. it is such a huge relief. but i had never connected it to my parents like that; it just goes to show how nparents impact their children's lives in so many ways

  25. That sounds familiar, as I have had to work to overcome that habit for my entire life, thanks to my dad. Throughout most of my teenage years and early adulthood, loved ones would tell me that I needed to stop apologizing for everything wrong I thought I did and that I did not need to justify my existence. I think God that I know better now, but I really did believe that my worth was based on my ability to be a "good" daughter, sister, friend, etc. My dad and his parents wanted their children and grandchildren to be their clones, essentially, and I think realizing that early on would have benefited me greatly!

  26. Not only do I over-explain, and not only am I hyper-aware of it, but I often get in response, especially in online ecosystems, that my over-explaining myself comes off as being "too defensive" or "hiding things by focusing on other things".

  27. This habit is the reason why I have the tendency to describe myself as "talkative" when the only times I find myself talking more than usual or rambling on is when I'm over-explaining something and feel the need to justify the things I do. Otherwise I'm pretty quiet, but the moment someone points out something about me, or I make a mistake, it flips the switch. Because my nFamily were always overly suspicious and controlling and I had to explain my actions from every angle. Now when I catch myself and decide to stop oversharing a million explanations, I almost feel guilty. Like I can physically feel the explanations bubbling up in my throat

  28. I do this so much! I've gotten to where I can kind of contain it around people I know don't want to hear it, but I hen it drives me nuts for literal DAYS. It's also at it's worst when it comes to dealing with superiors. For example, any action or decision I make at work, no matter how small and inconsequential, I mentally prepare an entire scripted defense for why I did what I did and why it was a good decision. I also, prepare various rebuttals for anything I can think of that my boss/coworker might say about my decision/action.

  29. The first time I was allowed to sleep over at a friends house, I think I was in the eighth grade. We were at the supper table and my friend knocked over her drink on the table. I freaked out, literally. I was apologizing and crying saying it was an accident, she didn’t mean it. I almost asked her parents not to beat her.

  30. I feel the reason this happens is because nparents can’t seem to ever accept anything! They just go on and on about it, and will forever bring it up when it’s advantageous for them.

  31. Oh my god. This has blown my mind and it makes quite a bit of sense. I am unable to have a conversation without blustering through justifying my point of view. I then often feel like the original point didn't really land anyway.

  32. This is a constant an internal battle for me. Stop over-explaining yourself. We’re so used to being shamed by people who want to sabotage and invalidate us.

  33. I needed to hear this right now. It is my biggest fault - always explaining, trying to get others to understand, to validate my feelings...

  34. This may be true, but the dumbest thing is how my Narcissistic Dad kept telling me that I didn’t need to explain anything to anyone, and would say “Because I said so.” Without ever explaining why of anything he told me to do. Telling me reasons for things would have helped me to make sense of all the stuff I was told to do. Meanwhile they would ask me why I did stuff regularly so I would always be explaining myself, except for the times when it was “expected” that I just obey without question. I got extreme repercussions if I was ever late coming home from anything, even by minutes, and I had to have permission for everything, even overnights with the cheerleading squad in high school. They wouldn’t listen to my explanations on some really important things, which made me more rebellious as a teen. They were very controlling about outings with friends in high school. And although all my friends were the “good kids”, who didn’t drink or smoke, I was grounded from certain fun activities so that I couldn’t have much social life and looked very uncool to my peers as a result. I was forced to babysit 3 young siblings for like 50 cents per hour, and unable to discipline them in any way. They were naughty and wouldn’t do anything they knew they were supposed to in my care, and my parents made it worse by firing me as the babysitter (age 14 or 15), and hiring someone who lived down the road. It was embarrassing and detrimental to the sibling relationships. Anyhow they wouldn’t accept my reasons for their just discipline, saying they were the only ones who could do it rather than teaching me how they wanted it done. I became the household slave, while all 4 of my siblings got away with everything horrible. As a result I couldn’t wait to leave home, and married a narcissist thinking he was great (due to love bombing,mirroring, and gaslighting) and that I was getting away from a crappy situation. Nope, just getting myself into another worse crappy situation .

  35. You know...my wife is always asking me why do you give so many details in your stories or just explaining something. This makes so much sense, I had to know every detail of every little thing otherwise I was told I was making it up.

  36. Being aware of this has helped a lot. Best example is when someone asks me to do something and I have a conflict where I can’t do that thing. I used to go on and on detailing every reason why I can’t and why I’d like to but can’t. So horrible. I’d feel so guilty turning them down and had to over explain to feel validated in my reasoning. Now sometimes I give no context and just say “sorry I can’t!” So much easier haha. Realizing you don’t have to always give an explanation is such a comfort now.

  37. I can turn a yes or no answer into a 7 minute long explanation that includes at least 4 major bulletin points and the background for each bullet point, why I think this is the appropriate answer, a story of a similar event and how it impacted people and why I think this particular answer is the best outcome for all persons involved and ending with the caveat that I could be totally wrong about everything.

  38. Omg , sooo true. Also the more i explain the more I'm talking back. The more i lower my standards. It's not worth. I've realised that they will never understand no Matter how much i explain. I just came to accept the fact now.

  39. I over-explain myself because in my mind, I just want to keep peace and be honest and forthcoming... My best friend said something to me which has helped me to not be so hard on myself, because I do this often, she said: "you just like to paint a picture with words T, so people can really understand you, and that's okay!"

  40. When I quit my first part-time job, I wrote out a super long explanation about why I was doing so and my ex-boss had a good chuckle about it. I felt embarrassed at the time, but now I just feel sorry for my past self. Even now, I still feel like I have to justify my presence in someone’s physical or online space even if we’re close friends. For example, I send holiday greetings or to ask to study together because then I have a ‘valid’ reason instead of just contacting them out of the blue. I treat myself like a burden and I always try to bargain my way into getting attention even though the people in my life would give it to me for free. It’s truly exhausting at times, but I’m working on it.

  41. Funny! I got this as feedback in a work review recently! My manager very politely explained that I go into excessive detail and try and 'prove' everything I say. She said it could cause tension at work, because it sounds like I'm trying to over-argue or patronize, because I'm so confident in my opinion. Like...no, dude. I just assume you all think I'm stupid and won't believe me?

  42. So, interestingly, this is actually a habit that has become helpful in my job. I work in the sciences and have to explain my work via presentations or papers and such, and my over explaining is incredibly helpful trying to communicate complex topics. The tendency to over explain combined with the experience of being belittled and made to feel stupid has made me a passionate scientific communicator.

  43. thank you for making this post, OP. i feel less alone. this is something i do all the time and i wasnt sure why but it makes total sense now that i've read this

  44. Yeah… I (freelance editor and dev helper) sometimes have clients who go off into all these details about why they need to postpone a project. I gently alert them that they're doing great just letting me know up front so I'm not expecting the project, that all they needed to tell me was that they need to put the project on hiatus or they've changed their mind—something like that.

  45. Soooo true! I always come prepared with basically a 30 slide presentation to back-up any idea or feeling I ever have. It's truly refreshing when you start to explain something and normal people say "okay cool" before you even get sentence 2 out.

  46. Lol same - this is why my therapist gets so frustrated with me. Even answering 'How does that make you feel?' requires a thesis complete with footnotes.

  47. I stop this by not explaining at all unless asked. My parents were too critical growing up and I would think of justifying reasons or suitable lies because they would question why I did things. Now I'm naturally thinking of why I do things but try not to tell unless asked by someone. I assume that unless they actually ask genuinely, people don't care.

  48. I had kind of a Trumatic experience about this once. I knew I had a troubled home life when I was young so I went to see a psychologist. I would see him after school once a week during high school. He was all the way across town, my school got out at 3:45 and his appointments were at four. I always managed to make it but one time thanks to traffic I was 15 minutes late. I felt bad so when I walked in I immediately apologized for being late and he got huffy with me and explained that I was wasting both of our times and kind of had a stick up his butt about it. I was 16 and I was seeing him because of my social anxiety and other issues and yet he made it 1000 times worse. I think about that a lot.

  49. What a horrible ***#[email protected]$#! That's such a vile thing to do to a child who's already having so many problems to deal with. I get where you're coming from. Even when I'm not at fault, these horrible incidents make me ruminate and get so angry. I'm so sorry he did that to you. I hope he didn't ruin therapy for you.

  50. I’ve been trying to break the habit of over explaining. I read once that if someone is over explaining it means they’re lying so that coupled with my parents invalidating me really messed me up.

  51. Omg i remember trying to apologize to my mother in law and she said," you don't need to explain why you did that." And it was like, "ahh I'm sorry I didn't realize I was talking your ear off." And she explained that she didnt mean it like that, she meant that we were adults (my so and i) and we didn't have to owe them an explanation. I think I was late for a dinner? Or something and I tried explaining things and went into too much details haha...ah i dont like oversharing but its either i chatter or i don't talk at all.

  52. But on the flip side, does it bug you when people underexplain? And you have to do the extra work of figuring out the facts from a limited communication that they assume you’ll understand?

  53. Omg, wait what?! I over explain a lot, or I always feel like I need to preemptively give a reason for my "no" or my actions.

  54. I’ve mostly stopped myself from this ACTION but that doesn’t stop the THOUGHTS about all the different ways someone could criticize my decisions and planning out my responses. I’m making little steps 🙂

  55. My sister and my ex do this. I Used to but managed to stop. Now I am trying to be patient and listen to them do it and not get annoyed (how can I be annoyed when I used to do it too?)... I need to talk to my therapist about how to deal

  56. I suffer from this at work. Have been told more than a few times that I need to stop apologizing and that I need to be more concise.

  57. How is it even possible not to do this? Because a lot of the time I don't even know I've done this. And if I don't provide an explanation, then some people don't like that and will be abusive for it, so even though I thought my answer was okay, I guess it wasn't?

  58. Correct about me. My mother does it every time we speak. If I say anything than she says the opposite. Every single time. I try to have it in mind that I shouldn’t explain myself. Because people who care will understand for the first time and people who do not care will never want to understand it.

  59. 🤯This...makes so much sense. I do this and it drives my husband bonkers. Wish I could stop but I also have adhd so sometimes I’ll do a “ramble over-explain” and not realize what I’m doing until it’s too late...

  60. My hubby often makes me stop explaining mid sentence. I didn't knew that before. After learning it, I'm trying to not do it anymore. But it's not an easy habit to shake.

  61. I think this one often hits those of us with developmental differences EXTRA hard 'cause we usually got it at school really bad too. Like being presumed lazy or careless when we were genuinely struggling to do something academic.

  62. This is something I’ve done for as long as I can remember. It makes it really hard to connect with most people.

  63. I haven't been officially diagnosed as neurodivergent but this is a big reason why - my therapist says that many of the symptoms for ADD overlap with those of a traumatic childhood (e.g. being easily distracted by everything being borne out of the need for hypervigilance, for when something minor might blow up into something bigger than it needs to be, or something neutral be somehow twisted into something negative by NParents).

  64. I once got a Christmas scratcher that won like $10 and took it to the gas station to turn it in. The guy at the register apologized and said he cannot process it past a certain time. I said "oh ok no problem and went to put the ticket back in my purse." However he picked it up and started to over-explain nervously. I said its ok but then he said "Here I can prove to you that it won't even go through." I kept trying to reassure him I believed, him but he ran it anyway and it beeped and he says "see it didn't work." I told him its ok, I'll just come back next time its no problem. I felt really bad like he was scared I was going to snap at him. Poor guy. I'm sure hes been through a lot of trauma to be so nervous.

  65. Oh gosh, yes. Even for straightforward facts! Like things that simply cannot be disputed:

  66. This literally just happened to me and my sister interpreted it as me arguing when I was just explaon? You'd think she'd know better. I wonder if this is why people always call me defensive and aggressive

  67. Thanks for this. I needed to hear it. Every word I ever said, everything I did was belittled, picked apart and examined for them to find a way to criticize me and twist what I said to mean something I never meant. And in my family, the loudest wins. I was so shy and quiet, I was never heard. I spent my life thinking I didn’t matter, wasn’t valued. My way of handling it was to run and hide. Let them win because they were vicious when I tried to stand up for myself. So I stopped trying.

  68. This is so true. I get flack for it all the time but people don't understand that it's kind of ingrained in our systems.

  69. God yes! I’m almost 40 and have only just stopped doing this! Over explaining finishes yourself worth and can make people assume that you’re not being truthful

  70. It sure is! I overexplain all the time. I'm trying to quit though. But NOT overexplaining myself makes my Nuncle angry too.

  71. Thank you for this... I knew I did it but wasn't sure why I did it everyday every time... I asked hubby.. do I over-explain things he replied yes but that's because all your life if you didn't you were put down for the help you were giving really and I am totally ok with listening to you everytime if it helps and I hugged him really tightly! So 😊 thanks great big squishy huggles for you

  72. Haha, I never realized this was so true. Having to speak with no ambiguity as to meaning and leaving nothing to be misinterpreted has actually helped me in my teaching work.

  73. This is my life. I try to fight the impulse to explain myself, only to be reminded in therapy that I can have my feelings without explaining them. It's so hard.

  74. I'm sad to hear this but grateful because the reminder also helps me remember that when my boyfriend gently tells me I don't need to validate myself to him or explain hes trying to help me break this reaction.

  75. The opposite exists too: "explaining" yourself with a shrug or a "... never mind." Because you know that your feelings are irrelevant.

  76. I’m beginning to hate this sub. Every time someone posts I think holy shit I’m not broken. It’s just the way I grew up was really messed up and I do these things because of it. I always feel the need to explain beyond thoroughly. To the point where I irritate my partner. I never thought of it as a behavioral response from my upbringing.

  77. I also still to this day sometimes stutter and trip over my words when I'm trying to explain myself. I remember doing the same thing when trying to explain myself to my Dad. He would interrupt and make fun of my speech and for not being able to spit it out as I got more and more nervous. I have ADHD too so it's already hard to organize my thoughts, and he knew that. Basically it was impossible to disagree with him. It was never about actually coming to a logical conclusion and all about his ego. It was a losing battle from the start, complete with bullying and personal attacks. We could be talking about the simplest topics too..

  78. Resonates with me too! I feel like I talk too much, and repeat myself, so I challenge myself to stay quiet and listen more. But I also feel like I don't want to take up people's time so sometimes I short change conversations because I make an assumption they don't really want to talk to me or listen to what I have to say. I always thought this was such a contradiction - I can talk on and on sometimes but then feel like I am taking up too much of someone's time in a different situation. Reading these comments I think context is important, and probably both stem from upbringing. This sub is so amazing for helping me understand myself more.

  79. some social anxiety is to be expected. we literally grew up walking on egg shells, dodging bullets and weathering perfect storms on the regular. we were conditioned into either believing or accepting that our hopes, dreams were not important and when we questioned if our needs were being met we were often bullied into some state of submission, whether it be physical or psychological confinement. nparents are the bullies bully. I am inclined think that if someone, one with an acceptable upbringing (trauma/abuse was minimal), did not want to spend time with you they would either limit it themselves or you would witness the body language we are so acutely aware of thanks to our unacceptable upbringing. I suffer these ruminations as well but now i hear her voice instead of mine and tends to wake me up. Come here and over explain yourself anytime, validation is the cure. In my opinion.

  80. This makes total sense and what super sucks is that my Nmom accuses me of being a liar because I over explain and have too much detail....

  81. welllll, she may call you a liar because she is projecting. in group therapy we did thought records. we had to basically over explain a negative thought and then let our peers tell us otherwise. of course you feel the need to explain yourself, your own mother has projected herself onto you but you aren't her. after all these years I still have to catch myself from thinking I am a loser with no one to love me. I know the turmoil that nparents create when they claim their offspring is a liar. I also know how far some nparents will go to maintain their fraud.

  82. I felt like a horse kicked my in the chest when I saw this. Never actually thought about it until I read this. 4 freaking decades of being annoying and NEEDING to validate my point like an asshole and I finally get it. It's sad (like I really want to cry) because it clicked so quickly once I saw it.

  83. I swear I am not raging, this isn't a tirade! Yeah, futile is my middle name. nparents, golden children and flying monkeys will narrate your story however they like. It is natural for empathic people to want to explain we come in peace and acknowledge others. It's just that normies have never needed to and often misunderstand us. Empathy is a gift from whatever inspires you to love. I believe in God, as i know God, so I over explain to God now and tbh i get much better feedback and feel a lot less hopeless after doing so. Thank you OP for the reminder, each one being a healing agent.

  84. "why can't you just say yes or no" you need to know my logic behind. Then people cutting me off after I say no, as if that makes it better.

  85. I never thought much into there being a word for the odd parenting I had growing up, but everytime I look into a situation I remember I end up on reddit scrolling through relatable stories and every time it end up being this raised by narcissist page. There is always a combination of stories that are either very similar to mine or they are much much worse to the point where my childhood would be lucky in comparison. Were they narcissist, I'm afraid to say and honestly dont know. I'd hate to Claim what is actually a much worse situation. As far as this particular topic, i explain myself more than I have to about shit nobody cares about that nobody wants or need explanation for. More of a self deprecating humor to assure they dont think I'm stupid really. That's a reoccurring theme in times when I feel angry or anxious. I can trace a lot of it back to me not wanting to think I'm percieved as being dumb.

  86. This comment has been removed for proselytizing. Please respect OP's views, and don't bring religion into the conversation unless they've specifically stated that they would like to discuss their abuse from that perspective.

  87. I do this all the time. Drives my wife crazy. She has adhd so too much info zots her out and she can’t follow any of it. Never realized this was yet another side effect from my childhood being raised by two nparents

  88. This is me, always. My parents always say they hate talking to me because I never shut up and I over explain everything, but if I don’t then they either can’t tell me what I just said or they completely ignore me. I feel like I’m a broken record, all the time, and it’s gone into my everyday life.

  89. Oh my god this explains my entire life and to top it off being bullied/mocked by your own brother for doing this. It truly feels like I finally got a speck of sanity realising I’m not stupid or overdoing things.

  90. I don't over-explain, I just make sure that I cover my ass along with whatever I say so that I don't have to over-explain.

  91. So much time wasted from doing this all of my life. I still waste time doing it on occasion, let alone thinking what I need to say just to make myself feel better.

  92. Oof. I realized recently that I was giving someone advice on how to over-explain so that the person they were talking to won’t be able to attack them. I realized it was my own stuff.

  93. I had to learn that over-explaining gives people ammo to shoot back at you. Say little, suffer little. It’s what helped me learn to trust others, too

  94. when i moved in with my cousin he used to get pissed off all the time because i would do this. but i only did it because i didn't want him to think i ever had ill-intentions towards him.

  95. Os this feels so validating. My friend a while ago told me I overexplain too much and it's manipulative and I'm like ???? Idk how else to explain. Also I need to give reasons for doing smth otherwise I come across as an asshole

  96. I ALWAYS over explain. I can't stop. I've tried so many times. But I can never just say "no". I always say "No because..."

  97. My partner tells me that over-explain all the time and I know it’s because I was constantly was invalidated by nparent . They always used to be so suspicious of me and doubted anything I ever said, so not only did I grow up without having much confidence in myself, but I tend to overwhelm people by feeling like I need to over-explain my intentions behind everything . However, lately I’ve been working on catching myself in the act and it has been helping. Keep working on re-wiring your brain and changing your old through patterns and you can in fact become the person you’ve always dreamed of becoming.

  98. The Inquisition. Its all so innocent. What are you doing, how come you're doing that, why don't you, you should...

  99. I call it giving my Ted talks. I can talk ask a question answer my question and not stop. They either let me ramble till I'm done or stop me when I take a breathe. I sometimes realize I kept going, and they're like you just kept going. Pls stop me. I got like 0 filter and go forever. Also sharing anything, making sure your stray thought was OK to have and having a NEED to share it. Maybe have it validated. Just GOT to say your shit with someone other than yourself. Don't know if these are mutual things others have.

  100. Thank you for that! I forget I still do that, and caught myself at it again just the other day. I repeated myself 3 times to my boss before I caught myself. I was sooooo embarrassed. Again. My mother “You’re always trying so hard To please people and validate youroself” Well Lord Old Mighty, I wonder why...

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