It’s official. I moved out + went no contact, and they did not see any of it coming!

  1. This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.

  2. It always made me happy reading people post about them finally going NC, only now I get to do it myself too. Thank you! 😃

  3. Thank you! If you're thinking of going NC someday but unsure how that can be possible due to your current circumstances, all i can say is i thought the same just one year ago. Someday it can be your turn to experience it 🙌🏽

  4. This is the first thing I read this morning and I have the biggest smile on my face! Congratulations! The best thing is you don't need to stress about finances so that's a BIG load off your shoulders. Now you can move forward and start living.💞💞💞

  5. Love comments like these because I used to (and still do) enjoy reading similar threads by others who go NC. Also, true that!

  6. Thank you! I might have made the financial part sound easy but it wasn't. Sorry to be vague but, l guess you can say I recognised my talent for something and decided to take a direction towards utilising it (ironically it was something my parents hated and constantly criticised me for).

  7. Notify security at your new apartment.... let them know if anyone claiming to be your parents shows up asking for you to let them in, to decline and/or call you immediately. That can help keep unannounced visits under your radar, should they find your address.

  8. Actually, where I live (a country with great security and strict laws that deters people from wanting to break any rules), I feel safe being where I am. Based on my chats with a lawyer, all it takes is one unannounced visit for me to be able to call the police on them. I even told them in my goodbye text that I would not hesitate to do so if they attempt to stalk me.

  9. This sub-Reddit has been very helpful for me to realize and understand the toxic submersion of dysfunction I was born into, why I chose my life partner (trauma bonding), and how we raised our own children. There has been a lot of healing in this discovery. Congratulations on finding your way out, documenting your experiences, and sharing it with the world. Awareness and awakening are truly blessings for those who suffered. ❤️

  10. Totally share the same sentiments with how this sub has been helpful. Glad to read that it helped you as well. Love that last line, thank you!

  11. I'm trying to get to this status but my world keeps fucking up on me then i have to rely on my NDAD. But I'm getting there... please universe!

  12. Suggest you build up resources and tools of your own - get roadside assistance on your car insurance so you can get help from them, etc. Get your own tools (a battery charger if you need) and keep them locked up in your trunk. Practice self reliance! Make friends with car geeks. The less you have to ask yr NDAD for any help, the better!

  13. I can relate to the sadness part, because deep down we want our parents but are forced to take other actions to save ourselves. Also, yeah, they always block it out; learning about narcissists helped me understand how they operate in such an auto-filter mode where anything you say that isn't praising them gets blocked and they cannot even self-reflect their own actions for a second. But hey, you can, and that's your strength!

  14. Hi, OP! Congratulations on moving out and getting a better life for yourself ❤️❤️ as an online stranger, I am so very very proud of you.

  15. Good on you. I have been LC for a few years, followed by NC, and it was one of the best things I have ever done for myself.

  16. Happy for you :) meanwhile I let them sabotage my exam and had to defer it to February. How can I grey rock and study in peace until then? Still living with them

  17. Kindly_Coyote is right. You have to stop telling them things as much as possible. Hopefully you got a friend or someone whom you could still share things with, because we all need someone in our lives that we can talk to as opposed to being all alone (though if there really isn't, writing/journaling on your own as if your pen and paper were your friend could help too).

  18. Truly amazing. I’m a freelance writer and have always said children of narcs should be freelance writers. For many reasons. Congratulations on moving out, your book, and your freedom!

  19. Hello! Why do you think being a freelance writer is so fitting for children of narcs? I just finished college and I am currently building my writing portfolio. 😭❤

  20. I’m so happy for you. A narc’s worst nightmare is when someone gains full independence from them. This stuff ain’t for the weak- but you have made huge strides. The next struggle will be having a relationship with them where they respect your boundaries and treat you as an adult. Good for you!!!

  21. Indeed, they loved bragging about how I would not survive without them so I cannot imagine the nightmare it must be for them now. I don't see that next struggle coming because I highly doubt they will take the steps to even get help. Thank you for the message, I appreciate it =)

  22. Congratulations! I'm sorry you left your books behind, because they can help you back on track if you start to feel guilty. Concentrate on making friends who can easily become your found family and provide you with loving support. And who you also support. Make sure to come back here if you need help or find yourself wavering. You can also dm me, I'm here to support you.

  23. Oh, I should have made it clearer. I printed several copies and left a copy behind for my parents as my form of a "goodbye message" (on top of the text). The book was more so written for myself as my form of therapy, and I definitely do think it will continue to help me moving forward.

  24. Not for nothing, but Dr. Ramanis videos helped me get over the edge of them just being narcs. The WHY I was the scapegoat, etc. Rock on with yourself! Very proud of you and thrilled for you! Fly high, you're free now.

  25. Yeah, she has so much great content I'm not even done going through them all (yet more gets uploaded pretty much daily). And thank you!

  26. Hahah, I think I'm okay for now. They don't really have the means of locating me, and if they did and tried stalking, I could just call the police (and I already warned them in my goodbye text that I would not hesitate to do so if they did).

  27. Wow!! I am so damn proud of you! I did something very similar to you, though, didn’t know it was called “grey-rocking” up until you mentioned it (all my mother said was that I was “shutting her out” and that it was “very hurtful” and didn’t I “care about what I’m doing to my mother?”)

  28. I am so happy for you, OP. You're going to love life on your own! All the best to you in your future endeavours.

  29. A little bit scary navigating adult things that I was never taught about before but, yeah, I can only imagine things getting better from here. Thank you!

  30. I'm 26. It does feel like I've lived a lifetime sometimes, but I'm looking at it as if my life were to be split into acts, and this is the end of the first act as I move onto the second. I think a lot of us can relate to growing up and/or maturing too soon because we had to in order to survive. I get remarks from my friends and strangers I meet that I'm like a 50 year old in a 26 year old body sometimes.

  31. Im mid post but I want to know how did you organize all of those thoughts? I made a journal which can be different from what you did but I guess the organization doesn't change much. Did you do it in word or any digital art? Or Did you use a tangible book to write everything?

  32. I think it depends on your style. For me, I tend to be very organized in general about everything, so I had to categorize / write in a chronological order. You can write individual experiences and stories then later arrange them in order, or you could bunch them based on the topic.

  33. I learned what the grey rock method is because of this post. Its weird that I started doing that while very young. You seem to be a the perfect story for anyone wanting to go NC. You made an expert escape and left a way to reconcile. You showed grace and kindness while protecting yourself. Good work.

  34. I remember the feeling I had when I first discovered the term and realized I had been doing it for years prior (though unsuccessfully). Helped me understand it a lot and actually grey-rock without breaking my stance once I knew exactly what it was and did. Glad this post helped you in that sense at least.

  35. I hope that you’ve not shared your financial status with them or anyone who may share with them. That is some powerful motive for them to ‘learn’ the right words to say the right things.

  36. Dude your story is like one of those where a slave or fugitive is held incaptive and slowly but silently he plans out his escape and gets out and gets his freedom.

  37. I think I can finally understand the phrase people use these days about having "main character energy" hahah. This almost inspires me to write a fictional book that's loosely based on my life, just omitting personal details that identify me and the individuals in my story.

  38. SHORTER FOR THE ACoN'S who still "Second guess, and hear/feel guilt": 'I realized what was going on and kept it to myself while moving forward inch-by-inch, NEVER 'telegraphing' any remote slice or hint of my plan or intent. I got TF out one belonging at a time, unnoticed, walked away under the radar, and I have less than ZERO intent to ever break NC,' because 'Fuck Guilt & 'Closure'!' both are completely unnecessary."

  39. Glad I made your day. Hahah, yeah. Waiting on them to start hoovering, be it a sudden medical emergency or whatever. I won't forget and fall for it!

  40. I thank everyone before me who shared their story as it certainly helped me share mine, and I imagine mine would help others similarly, so yeah. Thank you! Appreciate the response =)

  41. Feels like a lot of us here in this sub are strong indeed to have gone through (or still going through for some) what we have. Thank you so much, I appreciate it.

  42. Wow.. that’s awesome!! Must feel amazing do both escaping and successfully being independent ! I wish I could do the same thing soon.

  43. A little bit scary being independent when there are plenty of things I never quite learned how to do, but I guess with the internet and support groups like reddit I will find my way =) Thank you, and I do wish for you to be able to do it sometime too!

  44. Dude this is awesome!!! But I’m curious with the new apartment, which is still awesome, did you get it because you got your books published?

  45. Thank you =) No I did not get any of my books published. My wealth came from other endeavours, though I rather not get into detail about how that came about.

  46. I’m so happy for you getting back control of your life. Dr. Ramani was a HUGE help to me during my early NC stages along with Jerry Wise. I’m glad she was a resource to you also. So proud of you!

  47. Yes! Dr. Ramani was indeed a MAJOR help for me, I absolutely love her content! I have not heard of Jerry Wise, I guess I will look him up shortly. Glad to read how she helped you as well.

  48. 🎉🥳🤩🎶🎵🥇 Congratulations, you did this the best way with lots of hard work & a little help from your friends 😸✌️💜💪

  49. Thank you! Sometimes we all need a little bit of help from others, and I am very grateful to have friends who understand my situation.

  50. This is the best news! Congratulations! I am so happy for you. So proud of you! Hahahahaha! They can’t do anything about it! This is really exciting and wonderful! Good for you!

  51. It sucks the solution is literally life changing wealth. I hate that your family put you in that position and glad you got the solution

  52. It does indeed. I would take a loving family over such wealth any day, because I am not one for living a luxurious lifestyle. But hey, it feels good - not because I am wealthy, but because I showed my parents that I can be successful in the only way they defined success as (with money), since they used to ridicule me for finding happiness/defining success differently.

  53. Dreams do come true! It always makes me feel weird when people say "if I can do it, so can you!" but hey what do you know?

  54. Thank you! Feels like having raised by narcs helps you be more aware of the other people around your life, colleagues, friends and whatnot, to spot other narcs (if any).

  55. Thank you! I hope you were able to get out of your situation too, or at the very least take comfort in writing as a form of therapy while planning a way out =)

  56. Excellent. Congrats. I did almost the exact same thing when I could. They didn't see it coming and begged for me to come back. I never did. And things haven't changed in 20 years.

  57. I wonder how long it would be before they attempt to reach me and "get me back". It has been 48 hours and not a single word, message, or call from them (I have not blocked them in any form). Glad to hear you got out, and wow that's many years ago!

  58. Thank you! You might want to google "Grey Rock method" to understand better as I don't think I can explain it better than the links you would find searching it up. However, to put it shortly, you basically become uninteresting/boring like a rock by not emoting towards the narcs, not showing any signs of happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, nothing. Just unbothered.

  59. Congratulations on your fabulous victory. Enjoy your peace, safety, and healing. Wishing you nothing but happiness during your recovery. Cheers, friend.

  60. Thank you! I guess I need to create a version that omits all personal particulars that could identify myself and other individuals in my story for me to even consider sharing them out. If I ever get to doing that, I'll be sure to make a thread here perhaps.

  61. Ahhh I did this!! Except I planned for two weeks and left. She never saw it coming, didn’t think I had the balls to do it I bet. Congratulations! It gets better.

  62. Nice! Two weeks, wow! And yeah, I know for a fact my parents would have never seen me doing this because they always ridiculed me claiming "I cannot survive on my own". Thank you for your message! I know it can only get better from here, and I am looking forward to this new chapter of my life.

  63. If those "certain endeavors" were something like meme stock or cryptocurrency, do yourself a big favor, and look into financial literacy classes. I'm not judging or anything, it's just there's been a lot of folks that won big on those, and they are kinda like winning big the first time at a casino. It's a big risk for livestyle inflation and gambling addition.

  64. Woooww! I’m so proud of you and how you handle this. The maturity, self control, strategy and all the things you did where without a doubt “adult steps” Congratulations because even at your young edge you’re making right decisions in the right direction.

  65. This is weird because I just had an intense dream last night that I was secretly moving out of my parents house. I’m 31 now and I moved out 15 years ago. Just goes to show how much it sticks with you I guess.

  66. Oh, I could totally hear that monologue happening already as they say those words to the rest of the family. =P

  67. Idk, I know this is isn't relevant but how the f*ck did you get so many views to your post? I have been a poster on here for years! And yet even my shorter posts sometimes have ZERO views which is really weird...because a few years ago I had one post with hundreds of upvotes. How the...??

  68. Thank you! And yeah, I could see myself sharing more stories in future posts about my experiences, or even things that may happen in the future if/when my family attempts to do something to "get me back".

  69. congrats. i did the same thing and it was the best day of my life. it was hilarious how my mom kept saying i wouldnt be able to move out because i dont make enough money when i already signed my lease. i have not spoken to my father for 291 days and i have not spoken to my mother for 70 days.

  70. Thank you. Well hey, I do believe we all have our individual timing of our lives. Trust the process, I'm sure one day your time will come to go NC, if that's something you wish to do some day and look forward to. Cheers!

  71. Lol proud of you ❤️❤️.. and yes she may act like she did therapy or whatever just to gain benefit from your wealth if she knew about it.

  72. I felt like I was planning a big escape that my life depended on, so I had to be extra cautious and careful to executing it hahah. If the post helps others do something similar, that's awesome!

  73. Congrats, I am leaving them in 1 year, I will have college so that's my ticket to freedom... I just hope I won't mess up something when there will be no other option than to return back.

  74. Thanks! And yeah, part of taking my time and taking a year to plan it out was to ensure I don't mess up because I knew once I left there was no returning back. Take the time you need to plan it out proper and cover all grounds, no rush!

  75. This made my mama heart cry happy tears. While I wasn’t raised by narcissist, I was married to one. It took me about 3 years to divorce him BUT another 5 years to break free. I have 2 children with him. We have been NC for 7 years. I never realized the insane amount of control he had over me until the last year we still had contact. I am so proud of you!

  76. Aw thank you, and I'm sorry to hear all that you had to go through. I am glad that you managed to get out of it and have been NC for as long as you have! Yeah, the realizations come in late, but when they do it feels good to know you have been awakened to note them and better then than never. Thanks for sharing, I appreciate your message =)

  77. Wow!! That’s amazing!! You set your mind to it, made a plan and then carried it out. And now you’re free!! . Unfortunately, most of the time, narcissists can’t be helped through therapy because they first have to admit they have a problem and are wrong, and narcissists won’t do that. Regardless, you don’t need that toxicity in your life. You are out and now you can enjoy that freedom. Congrats!!

  78. Congratulations that’s wonderful news and I’m so happy for you. I wish you all the best starting your new life how you want it to be without the drama.

  79. After the storm comes sunshine and possibly rainbows, and I'm sure your time will come one day! Thank you for your words, I really appreciate it!

  80. Your story really inspires me. I aim to move out one day too, because my Mom and the rest of her clan are narcissists all under the grip of an altruistic narcissist. My whole life she has insulted me in front of everyone during dinners and I get ridiculed when I try to set a boundary.

  81. Congratulations! I love your idea of writing down your personal experiences. If you ever decide to share I can safely say I wouldn't be alone in wanting to read. Continue to prosper and be happy!

  82. Thank you! Yes, there's this power to documenting moments, and not necessarily just the bad days either. Sometimes I like to look back at an old entry of me being very excited about something that may not be as exciting in the present time, and not the difference or growth in me. That's just one example.

  83. I'm really proud of you and I'm going through the same thing. I'm really starting to realize that you never really discover who you truly are until you are by yourself. And you know what, under all of those layers of trauma and abuse that happy self that you always could be is always still there. The moment I started realizing that I was actually happier alone than when surrounded by other people, that's when I knew I had to change. I've never felt better. Keep going.

  84. Oh man, reading this message makes me feel great knowing you know exactly what I shared based on your words here. Truly, the feeling of introspection and knowing yourself is a gift not many take the time to reflect on themselves. Far too often we are caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, working weekdays and partying weekends, years and decades pass, and then we look back thinking if we ever did something we should have would our lives be different. Introspection is the way to go, and I'm so glad to read that you found the way to knowing yourself better. Thank you for sharing!

  85. You might want to google "Grey Rock method" to understand better as I don't think I can explain it better than the links you would find searching it up. However, to put it shortly, you basically become uninteresting/boring like a rock by not emoting towards the narcs, not showing any signs of happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, nothing. Just unbothered.

  86. This sounds like the most perfect thing, especially those in the worst of it, can hope for. Glad to hear you made it out. And even moreso the poetic justice you gave to them on your way out.

  87. Honestly, based on the previous books I have written prior to the one about my family, my nmom doesn't care (and often ridicules my writing saying its worthless) while my ndad apparently reads it but I don't know if he ever gets anything there since he does a good job pretending he knows things when he doesn't.

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