tell me you have a toddler without telling me you have a toddler.

  1. We watch this at least once a day and I still enjoy it! And of course sing all the comments in this thread lol! Actually paying attention to the credits the other day and saw that the music was done by Lin-Manuel Miranda - he did an AMAZING job!

  2. We got a second dog when we went through toddler stage with my first. The healthy competition to eat whatever is dropped the instant it hits the floor and before the other dog can get it has lead to significantly cleaner floors and less crumbs. Our first dog seems pissed he doesn't get everything that falls now, but he's the one that decided that edamame weren't his thing and he'd just eat around them.

  3. I have so many songs in my head!! Some nights I can’t fall asleep until I sang the end of the song in my head, otherwise it just goes on and on and on!!!

  4. I was about to say when I burst into song it's a nursery rhyme or theme tune. Paw patrol is my Jam though, that and Go Jetters.

  5. I hurriedly put laundry in the dryer so people could be warm before heading out into a cold, rainy day.. I grabbed the built-in handle and jumped because it was warm, wet and slimy.. my wonderful dear had shoved some tiny pieces of chocolate in the notch of the handle and when the dryer heated up it made a wonderfully sticky mess, just for me!

  6. Sadly it’s not the most terrifying sound, because at least you know where they are and what they’re doing. The most terrifying sound is silence

  7. Omg the “why” phase 🤦‍♀️we went through a period where she would ask it for everything I said. I finally told her she had to answer “yes mama” unless she had an actual question.

  8. The winter making the toilet seat cold is not a challenge I was prepared for. Even with a bathroom space heater I'm still screwed. do they even make heated toddler seats?

  9. Reminds of when I needed to fight them to administer meds, and the day we didn’t give meds they threw a tantrum cuz they wanted it.

  10. My toddler sat bolt up right in her sleep at midnight and said “mommy, I want food.” I asked her what kind of food, and she said “no!! I don’t want food.” Laid down and went back to sleep. If that doesn’t sum up parenting a toddler in 15 seconds or less, I don’t know what does!

  11. This is so sadly accurate. My first born one month after covid got here, second only 3 months ago. I’m just thankful they have each other & not alone through this hell.

  12. Ugh this! My toddler turned 1 the week quarantine started in 2020, so she never even got her first or second birthday parties. She turns 3 in March and I’m hoping we can have a party but not holding my breath. Still mostly quarantining because we have our toddler and a 3 month old. 😢

  13. Same, but currently covid positive because my coworker didn’t stay the fuck home after partying for New Years. He’s out of work for 5 days… I’m out for 14+ because my son’s daycare.

  14. My son was quite mad at me when I told him I don’t have a penis. He didn’t understand and told his dad that ‘mamas penis broke off’

  15. Lol mine like to go around proudly proclaiming that mama has a vagina and not a penis and then calling out the rest of the families genitals

  16. Us in the shower recently: Him: You don't have a penis mama? Me: No honey, I have a vaginaux. Him: Is your penis on your back? (????????) Me: No, there's just my butt back there. Him: turn around I want to check. Why did this occur, no clue.

  17. There are always two people in the bathroom. Only one is yelling, “Poop,” or, “Flush,” no fewer than three times.

  18. Why is it always 3x?! Mine goes 'moon, moon, moon' everytime he sees something in the sky. Bird, plane, clouds... Nope its the 'moon, moon, moon' 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

  19. There's stickers on my wall, there's a toy car everywhere I look, there's abandoned Hershey kiss wrappers strewn about (in a nice little trail), fingerprints on everything glass, and my bathtub looks like a toy store.

  20. I've got the fingerprints - not just on the glass though, also on the stainless steel fridge/freezer handles. We rent and they came with - I'll never choose to own SS appliances at the same time that I have a toddler...

  21. I just cleaned up grape juice off my dog and couch because my toddler wanted to play catch with the dog. Using her cup. Filled with juice.

  22. I had to ask the FedEx guy to hand my package to my daughter because I don’t want to hear her scream (she MUST accept all packages 🙄)

  23. Today's major tantrum was because I put butter on the wrong side of the toast + I dared put two pieces of toast together after having been specifically asked to put them together...

  24. I know this struggle way too well 😭 Do toddlers secretly have some kind of ESP wavelength where they send each other messages about how to fuck with us?

  25. Kiddo went in her room fully dressed, came out 3 seconds later with no shirt and a headband across her forehead, declaring she is "Superman Baby!" And running with her arm out like Superman when he flies 😂

  26. My 11 month old is contact napping cause we have some construction going on in our guest bathroom and she can’t sleep on her own with all the noise, I almost woke her up laughing at your comment haha

  27. I walked into the kitchen and there was an apple abandoned on the floor with a big bite taken out of it.

  28. During my newborn’s first couple weeks at home, I was downstairs sitting on the couch holding her. My toddler went upstairs, and I figured, he’s probably playing in his room. Decided to go check, because I wasn’t hearing thumps coming through the floor above me. He was lying in our bed, with the blankets over his head. No big deal, right? I asked him if he wanted to come downstairs, he said yes, and moved, and the sea of Tylenol and ibuprofen from the bottles from my nightstand spilled everywhere. He’d emptied both bottles, and they were big bottles. Both enteric coated, so bright red and milk chocolate coloured sweet coatings. Both “childproof,” but I had them on my bedside because I was post c-section and in a lot of pain. I needed them in reach, so I didn’t have to get out of bed and use my battered abs.

  29. I swear they know when we're at our most vulnerable. I'm glad everything was ok. That had to of been scary.

  30. Mommy? I'm on the potty. Mommy? Still on the potty. Mommy? Haven't moved. Mommy? It's been like 10 seconds. Mommy? What is it? Mommy? I'll finish in just a few more moments. Mommy? Do you actually need anything? Mommy?

  31. I left my 2 year old playing on his own this morning to get all the laundry from upstairs. I was away for only 2 minutes max. When I opened the door to our living room to check on him I thought the room smelled so lovely. It smelled like flowers and fresh linen. I walked into the room and stepped on a very wet and sticky carpet. Our carpet is drenched. Then I saw my fabric conditioner bottle. He poured it all over our living room floor! He smiled at me and showed me the empty bottle like he was so proud. Our living room smells divine in fairness. But the carpet! 😭

  32. You can hire carpet cleaner vacuums. I know as my toddler put toilet duck (blue toilet cleaner) all over our landing. It was suspiciously quiet!

  33. I can summon my toddler from anywhere in the house by loudly singing the Bluey theme but I better be prepared to watch Bluey the rest of the day.

  34. I mark my time with Covid exposures and daycare closures not days of the week. Also — my car has a minimum of 4 snack offerings at all time.

  35. I can not have anyone call me with out either the phone being ripped out of my hand or screeching because I’m holding on tight to it

  36. I’ve seriously dehydrated because I can’t drink water without my child screaming for it so she can pour it on the cat.

  37. He asks for cold water, fills up a cup, immediately pours on self, squeals and says: ‘’name’ kuprised (surprised) water so cold!!! Brr!!’

  38. I ask random people of all ages and backgrounds if they’ve heard about/watched Bluey…..and then precede to talk to them about why Bluey is amazing for the next 10 minutes

  39. How could you not? My bff loves it too so I have someone to talk about it with. I'm so excited for season 3 when ever it comes to the us.

  40. I mopped my floor and 10 seconds later someone spilt hot chocolate on it, I then had to remove said hot chocolate from him because he wasn't even drinking it, just swishing it around his mouth and spitting it back into the cup only to repeat this multiple times.

  41. There were chocochimps all over the kitchen floor, it was like a minefield. He spilled them (dry thank goodness) on himself, got out of his highchair, and then shook out the chair cover before i could clean them up.

  42. Ever almost stepped on a Lego but you didn't put all your weight on it but you sort of stumbled and then took a hard step on a puzzle piece with the little nub on top for your kid to hold onto? I have.

  43. Have you heard the baa baa black sheep, abc, twinkle twinkle remix/ mash up? No? We’ll come to my house cause it’s on repeat and minimum 20 times a day

  44. "Shrek shrek shrek!" "Look its Mummy" then she points at ogre fiona. Not fiona at start of film. No. Has to be the ogre bit.

  45. There are cheerios everywhere. My house was professionally cleaned 2 days ago, I just found 2 separate spillages of cheerios….I don’t even recall anyone eating cheerios in one of these rooms.

  46. I feel like a waitress. And a chef. Is this what it feels like to work in a kitchen? I'm constantly having food orders yelled at me from the other room from my 3 year old. ICE CRAAAAYYYYYMM!!!! GOFISHHHH!!!! MOM WARE ARE YAOUUUUU???? COME HERERUUURRUE!!!

  47. There is an assortment of food, toys, and random household items under my couch seemingly at all times no matter how often I clean under there.

  48. Tomorrow is the first day of school, tomorrow is the first day of school. I can’t wait for the first day of school, tomorrow is the first day of school..

  49. Favorite story- I was laying next to the toddler bed singing my youngest to sleep. He reaches out and touches my hand. I think he's being sweet and I hold his lil sweet hand... And then he asks if I'm going to take the big booger that's in his hand.

  50. Getting ready to head out of the house for a bit with my 3 year old, looking for her left sneaker and find it in her brother's crib full of chewed up banana. Magical 💖

  51. Our household (including babysister and cats) have new names from Thomas the train. Also grandparents and the dog of the sitter too. I am Thomas. If you want something from him, better call him Emily.

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